Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry X mas 2011

Yes, It is coming to the end of the year of 2011. Merry Christmas Everyone in advance. This last month of semester had been filling up with full of hardships, for both myself and my other batchmates, of cos their pain is much more than i could endure. Reflecting back, we have been through a lot, and done a lot and soon we will be separated from each other. I guess we should start planning our graduation party but i don't seem now its the time anymore since there is a crisis. Maybe next year. Hope we make another huge history. With tears of joy.

I wish i could have more time. I didn't manage to go out with friends nor with family even though they come here for wedding. I felt empty. Good thing is that i still have two days with them better than nothing right?

To everyone i know, Merry Christmas! and Happy New Year! May all the bad things go away and good things in our mind, and make new history in the future!

Lots of Love,
Valerie

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The "RED" Phenomenon

The moment witness with my dearest batchmates.
With Lots of LOL moments and weird moments to pass time.
Enjoy the video =)
By the way, i reached home when the moon is totally back to normal!
@12.18! Woohoo!

The Final Lap

Actually i wasn't intend to post. but i seem to have some time today. Why? that's because i ignored my moral studies and my ethics' homework. It is reluctant because it was the first week of the semester, it shouldn't be that busy but it is not that we got our holidays to ourselves either, it was all dedicated to uni's items. The semester started quite rough. First is the MQA requirements which blow some of us right off, still swaying. The thing about this MQA thing is that they (the authorities) themselves are confused and thus making us students, the more blur that we can make within ourselves. I was with the BKA issue and others was with the malaysian studies thing. For me, i received a call saying that i was suppose to get them done during the sem 5, i was like " is it? no one told me before." quite disappointed with the imu management at that time because if i were to take it during that time, it would be a problem for me as it was quite free that time. During that sem, before it even start, i was already preparing myself to be ask to take up BKA (which is malay) but we were told that everyone was exempted. How Nice! so i didn't bother to ask nor clarify. yet these thing happen when we are super busy with everything. After this week, i think i got a good solution sorted out after being a pest to the AAD's staff. I guess they even remember us without us explaining. We already haunted them too much.

Regarding the new semester, aside from getting busy with the MQA requirements, moral studies, the usual classes getting real packed, worrying about where to go during electives. What bother me the most is the future. What i really want to do next time? It seems vague to begin with. First of all, i am not a decision maker of my life last time, so it is quite hard for me to make my move now and secondly, my results are not appealing that people would offer me jobs beforehand, so i am in dilemma. All my lecturers said that we should have at least 3 years experience in medical-surgical ward. So that settle my problem in the area i suppose to work in next time. But the issues now is where? Malaysia, or Singapore. I wanted to work in Singapore maybe due to my high school friends and the money currency i am going to get there. But i don't think they would like my kind of results and they are super the competitive so expected workload is there already. Malaysia 's private hospital is also a challenge itself. So yea, i couldn't decide. Both sides, have advantage and disadvantage but none appeals me more than another. So i guess i am sticking with "balloting" with myself again.

After experiencing three years of nursing student life, i often get asked what actually nurses do. Although i am going through professionalism, i understand what nurses do but then their job scope is vague to be able to explain to people what we are exactly doing unless they do it themselves. i bet after the experience they will be like me. Other than those fancy theories we are doing, i agree that nothing in nursing is unique but it is unique in its own way. I understand why people don't appreciate that. First of all, we are helping people to be independent again, and in order to do that we need to teach the basics things that they already knew, that's why nothing is special in nursing, everyone can do it. What we do is not special at all, but what we do to make that happen is the amazing part and this is what i haven't mastered yet. Nurses suppose to be the people to join all other professions but yet being looked down by other health profession. That's bad. I don't like that. I would like to describe nurses as the parents of the patient, we understand them, we love them, we guide them when they need help, support them, and advocate for them. This is what i understand from the three years. But when i being ask what is nurses doing? i still can't tell. Cause it is vague. So if u guys out there happen to be reading this, i apologize, i am confuse myself why i even wanted to write this part. ignore them if it bothers you.

Yesterday, my batch NU108, went to visit our preceptor puan kasma. It was an interesting trip. We laughed, reminisced old times, pulling each others' leg. It was fun. I guess this is why we are different from other groups. We are always full of live. We are the group that love food ( extreme side ) even our preceptor prepared the snacks in big tupperware even though her children and maid say it is nicer if you prepare them in small porcelain or glass containers. She insisted that we will surely finish them in seconds and she need to refill them every second, no way she is doing that. and it is true that we finish in seconds and it is in a large tupperware, imagine that! we are monsters and that thanks to the traffic jam. We chit chat, talked about old times, even talk about next time are we going to visit her or not (as well as other preceptors) and when we graduate where to celebrate ( food is all we think of), and when we get married, all crazy things. It was good. We will definitely miss Puan Kasma and her way of chasing us in the wards.

After the trip, all cars went to their way, some went to reminisce some more in cafes, but out car decided to picnic in the park waiting for the lunar eclipse ( at that time, it was 4 hours before). For the four hours, we went slightly crazy or wild because of the clouds blocking the moon. We sang random songs, play games, create weird stories using the aeroplanes, stars, and clouds. Ending up lying on the ground capturing the "RED" moments, brain washing ourselves that we captured the red moon when it is not even red in our cameras, cursing them afterwards. It was a Fun experience after all. Weird but Memorable. =)

Okay after this post i shall rest and then continue my work. T.T back to reality.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

End of Postings in Seremban.

Actually i dunno where to start the emotional part of this day that i have waited for so long.
It have been more than 2 years of stay there in seremban. The time never stops during those days. We are rushing from bj to seremban everytime, settling and start work, then end work then pack bags back to bj and exam and sem break and then the cycle jus repeat itself, never have thought of it to end so soon.

To be honest, on the day itself i never felt the emotional rush. However when uncle say goodbye and the way he shakes my hand, i felt it. I am leaving this place for good. When i come back home at bj, the pieces of memories there, kept flashing back. Although my nursing journey in IMU haven't end, but the memories as a group N108 in the clinicals have ended. Just in a day! I have never really appreciate the existence of the people around me. But today, i am proud and happy that i have chosen nursing at IMU and meet these amazing people of N108, the best colleagues ever. I wouldn't forget the brithday outings we had, the amazing food trip to ipoh and cameron, the time we went to pn kasma, pn saedah's house, ashraf's house, the weird and funny jokes moments, the time we have lots of assignments to write and all camping out late, the awesome dinners and pasar malam. I just couldn't forget each and every postings. Although i felt regret cos never got the chance to work with everyone in n108 but those that i work with are totally amazing enough to say i wish next time my colleagues would be like u guys.

As a student, i guess HTJS really moulded us into a better nurse with a lot of experience. There is no other place than government hospital that would give us more experience as a nurse and as a person in life. There are all sort of patients. I couldn't forget those weird and funny patients whom i attended. The staff although they are not friendly, we learned how to be humble and treat them very nicely even though they being mean to us. I learn to be "not easily tempered" now.

Although it had come to an end, i still have a dilemma for my nursing elective. Hai` that's my weakness, cannot make decision for myself. I have no idea what i am interested in. I guess everyone would give me this answer " SEriousLy, u sure?" I always thought that i would know what i would be interested in after the specialty postings, however i guess my interest level is static and the same for all. Really a headache. Now i would start blaming my childhood. Its been like this for very very long time already. But i believe that i won't regret in which ever part i will chose in the future cos my acceptance level is very high, but i truly hope that i can make the decision this time since this is my career something i gonna spent the rest of my life doing it.

Crazy as it seems, my student life just left with one more semester after the the semester 7 exam and after sem 8 i will be on my own. Can't believe that cos i am not that type like to be alone, i love company but i guess its time for me to move on to the next stage of my life. Jia You Valerie, new future and adventure awaits u. It might be very interesting and challenging, you will never know!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Fruits from singapore @ cheap price


Holiday pics =)

Watch basketball tournament with pik wen and stella.
Go HSBC!





Saturday, July 02, 2011

Back from Semester break. Start of Sem 7

It is funny to start a new semester without any excitement feeling at all. I think largely because we know what is expected of us during this semester. To be more focus and able to read literature with lighting speed. Recalling back from the day we had meeting with dr kang, everyone was very tired and expressionless, it was quite amazing and funny. We are already tired of complaining and become more realistic. Is it a good thing or are we being too complacent already.

Semester 7 looks overwhelming. All is about leadership, management and teaching. One word can describe all, responsibility. not to say i hate it, just don't like it. will try to overcome it during this semester, hopefully i will learn to handle situations better like the one i am handling now which i feel helpless.

Being an adult is quite challenging. I don't know can i able to be a good adult. but time waits no man. Even though we don't wan to be, our age is still adding on. So Valerie, jus face the truth and starts kicking.


Thursday, June 02, 2011

Butterflies in My stomach!!!

Okay usually the blog title meant good things and it is for describing relationships.
But for my case today was slightly different.
YUP! tomorrow is result taking day!
Couldn't personally take it though. and can't find a person to take it for me too.
Bad Sign?
Wanted to watch dramas, but couldn't sit on the chair for long. just blogwaking here and there.
Seems aimless.

BLog, will u wish me luck?

Friday, May 20, 2011

hmmm

It feels weird looking back at my own blog post.
I find lots of grammar mistakes and the way i express my feelings, just makes me feels not right.
I guess my english standard really not good and i think like a child. Not sure whether i still had the same problem with my current post. hopefully not.
I guess reducing number lines in the post will do the trick i suppose.


Monday, May 16, 2011

New Discipline. Will it work?

I decided to start a food diary.
hmmm.
trying to be discipline to control diet.
to lose weight.
yesterday: i will do it!
today: OMg fail. didn't reached target. too much cals. feel like blaming the mangos.

I won't give so much hope to it. but lets see how far it take me. have some faith la.

Miss My Old Buddies.

Currently in study break.
makes me daydream a lot and fb a lot (hehe not suppose to) cos during posting, these won't be in my schedule, too occupied with care plans (thinking of it makes me vomit)
After looking at videos that my old buddies post where they spent their time together in hk, i was like, "OMG, i MISS them!"
Miss hanging out with them, although most of the time, we will end up doing weird things.
i miss talking to them. especially updates from them.

I miss my mom too cos i see my dad more than mom now.
I miss my two other sisters too.
Oh my, getting older is a problem. very emotional. haha

So when i can get a boyfriend to be able to miss him too? i guess, it will take centuries.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

What hurts the most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/rascal-flatts-lyrics/what-hurts-the-most-lyrics.html]
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

Mixed Feelings.

I haven't been blogging for a long time, yet i choose to blog during the busiest time of my schedule when i need to finish up an assignment of 3000 words in one day, n yet i choose to be here, ignoring the burden. Thanks to my itchy hand and my brain that is not functioning well these days.

These days a lot of things happen. Things changed from better to worse.
Human relationship is just too fragile.
Human Life is just too short.
Maybe i should choose a religion.
Where i can ask y and trust is my answer to everything.

Prejudice. an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge.
Shouldn't be having that but come on la, as human how to not have prejudice or so called " self made impression about others" I guess everyone is grew up differently, have different beliefs. but but but... just can't accept what had happened to our friends. have they change or did they is always been behaving that way, just that they hide it too well that we didn't realize and couldn't lend a hand when it supposed?
Great disappointment. Too many politics. Too many beliefs. Too many individualist, I just don't understand how can human be that complex. Family is really too important, it is the basic unit of the society. I guess they are jus unlucky to be in those family but i felt sad for them that they choose the wrong path to be unlucky again during their adulthood. Is it that they lost trust in the world that they think that way and do the things they think is right and actually is wrong?? Sometimes i felt useless. i just don't wan to get involved. i think i am selfish. I am avoiding to know the real truth and yet others are revealing them bit by bit. Nasty. really nasty.

Another scenario.
i and my friend witness and involved seeing and reviving a patient that collapse 6 times infront of us.
6 times.
and only three of us did CPR, suction, giving med. where the others?
checking femoral and carotid pulse only? delaying the time of saving the patient?
I felt "xin han".
Is it suppose to be that way?
If i knew that the patient only had 30% of survival rate the maximum got 30 days. i shouldn't save him?
Why is it everyone is depending on us?
we are already out of energy and yet no one take over us?
for those people who went to hell and come back again. I really felt that they are really really the most luckiest people on earth to be able to survive and live again. It is not easy.
Let's give all our blessings to my patient and patient's family so that they can stand strong although one of their family members already not there especially the wife.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Thoughts

Busy busy busy.
Now it is the time i had for myself for dreaming.
i guess building castle is always easy to do as long as u had the time.
But to make it real. that's the hard part even though u had the time.
Theres a lot of ideas that going thru my head that i wan to do to this and that to make it my hobby. to make some difference in my life instead of purely work, study, family.
I wan something for myself. Some accomplishments that please my mental.
I guess these days i felt myself very disorganized and end up feeling that my luck is not there at all.
I guess this is pre depression symptoms. wanted to let go of everything and jus purely do nothing.
Oh well.
My Life is so uneventful.
Life is short some more.
Clock is ticking.
When i got time, the mood is not there.
I guess i need someone to give me a lesson or two on time management.

A Conclusion for JAn and Feb 2011

New Semester - impression wise, tough sem, more work, less time as usual. Lecturers speed during class to finish everything they should be finishing. so they come and go very fast. Not many lecture notes, but need to do lots of reading (which i hate and no time to do so) and need to brush up writing skill. Practising OSCE (during every break -RUSH too), Malaysian studies- hmmm never knew a teacher with much passion and interesting just talking about history. It reminds me of my brunei history teacher ( she know a lot but monotone in teaching but still i had a liking for histroy dunno why)

BIrthday - wonderful. SLSTV's video. My Fren's Treat. Steamboat with sis. Grateful 22nd Birthday.

CNY- Four House visits this time. but less angpaos without cousin brothers' presence. This time my grandfather was being force to stay at KL for four days, that's improvement! This year's CNy made me realised that we are getting closer as relatives. and some secrets are being revealed ( creepy better nt to know). I got to learn a new game. called san guo sha. Basically AIM the emperor!

MOCK OSCE - erm. i guess need to brush up. and don't let us disappoint ourselves mind the teachers.

Class Test- Too rush cos it is right after CNY, which the period i don't do anything. i even forgot what they taught me before the hols. DAmn NOT GOOD. So i guess this class test, i can't expect much.

Seremban- a place i soon to be. Hopefully better experience than the last time!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The First post after NY

After looking at my fren's comment on OSCE, i would like to say something. When it comes to OSCE, no matter how many times u practice the steps. Nervousness really can disrupts the whole thinking sequence. Every one procedure JUST before the buzzer sound , i was like aiyah, i should have done this and that but i already told the examiner i finish can't repeat right? Next time, i won't bother about the time anymore, for sure. damn it. It is not only sad that i know where the mistakes are during the osce itself. but it hurts when it comes to lecturers thinks that we didn't practice. i know we are not competent at all, but we did make an effort. To all ignore me, for being so not professional here in fb. Hope u all understand that this is jus for preventing from getting unwanted depression (touchwood)