Post office

 There are two box for you to put letters in right? but apparently the post office guy will open the box and pull all the letters from the box and place into the same bag. yup from the two different labeled box. so what's the point of differentiating them when the post man do not even differentiate from the starting point. Weird right. i guess that's how Malaysia's post office works. Not a complain cos as long the letters reached where they supposed to reach there wouldn't be complaint. Just that it makes me wonders, y do they make a designated box then? they should labeled "normal letter" or "Letters' only". Or maybe that guy think its a waste of time to put different sets of letters in two bag? who cares. none of my business.

I did something foolish today.

Was fascinated by this machine. I tot it is some machine that can change coins into notes. Apparently i was being fooled. It was a machine that can change coins into some voucher that can be claimed at the jusco counter. Hai~ tell la, must be 10 dollar worth of coins. Now i wasted 2.20, and was asked to top up until 10 baru can redeem the voucher and use it. Who created such a weird machine. but it was my fault, y i was tempted to use it. stupid me. Oh well, it was fun nevertheless, the machine was cool, but the concept after playing with the machine was not so cool.

Long time no see my dear blog.

All the events i had been through is quite sad these days. Although there is laughter and all, there are more not so nice feelings deep down. I guess this is the time of our life where we are leaving another group of people again and move towards the next stage of our lives. Farewell again. Stress of the final exams of the last lap for this time its the uni life. I have blurred vision of the last experience. but i can feel the same dilemma. because we need to make decisions again. hate it but its seems unavoidable.

Many not so nice events happen, i don't remember most of it, so let bygone be gone. Many happy events also happened but still it is not in my brain either. what i have done this year? seems so lost. other than doing assignments, less hangouts with frens, less communicating with parents and family. Looking at computer also i don't feel like doing anything. This year my best activity is sleep. but it seems that sleeping makes me even more fatigue. hai~ what a life. 

Nursing elective was fun. Nursing non elective was less fun, apparently my frens will get more fun than me as they were chosen to go trip to thailand. It is not that i was jealous. It is obvious that not everyone can go, so there is nothing to be jealous about. Just hope that staying back, got better things for us to do instead of rotting in the meeting room. I don't want my report to be so empty that nothing worth to write in it.

It time to find work, so scary. time to repay ur parents, so scare too. my third sis also coming out, dunno what she will pick, stress for her, cos she dunno what she like ( seems like it is my last experience) but i also dunno how i ended in nursing, maybe she will end up in something she don't know too. Just hope that it won't makes her felt regret that's all.

All well, life is fun when we are with lots of ppl, when i am alone, i felt sad just because all the bad things will start to appear in my brain.

bye bye

The Final Lap

Actually i wasn't intend to post. but i seem to have some time today. Why? that's because i ignored my moral studies and my ethics' homework. It is reluctant because it was the first week of the semester, it shouldn't be that busy but it is not that we got our holidays to ourselves either, it was all dedicated to uni's items. The semester started quite rough. First is the MQA requirements which blow some of us right off, still swaying. The thing about this MQA thing is that they (the authorities) themselves are confused and thus making us students, the more blur that we can make within ourselves. I was with the BKA issue and others was with the malaysian studies thing. For me, i received a call saying that i was suppose to get them done during the sem 5, i was like " is it? no one told me before." quite disappointed with the imu management at that time because if i were to take it during that time, it would be a problem for me as it was quite free that time. During that sem, before it even start, i was already preparing myself to be ask to take up BKA (which is malay) but we were told that everyone was exempted. How Nice! so i didn't bother to ask nor clarify. yet these thing happen when we are super busy with everything. After this week, i think i got a good solution sorted out after being a pest to the AAD's staff. I guess they even remember us without us explaining. We already haunted them too much.

Regarding the new semester, aside from getting busy with the MQA requirements, moral studies, the usual classes getting real packed, worrying about where to go during electives. What bother me the most is the future. What i really want to do next time? It seems vague to begin with. First of all, i am not a decision maker of my life last time, so it is quite hard for me to make my move now and secondly, my results are not appealing that people would offer me jobs beforehand, so i am in dilemma. All my lecturers said that we should have at least 3 years experience in medical-surgical ward. So that settle my problem in the area i suppose to work in next time. But the issues now is where? Malaysia, or Singapore. I wanted to work in Singapore maybe due to my high school friends and the money currency i am going to get there. But i don't think they would like my kind of results and they are super the competitive so expected workload is there already. Malaysia 's private hospital is also a challenge itself. So yea, i couldn't decide. Both sides, have advantage and disadvantage but none appeals me more than another. So i guess i am sticking with "balloting" with myself again.

After experiencing three years of nursing student life, i often get asked what actually nurses do. Although i am going through professionalism, i understand what nurses do but then their job scope is vague to be able to explain to people what we are exactly doing unless they do it themselves. i bet after the experience they will be like me. Other than those fancy theories we are doing, i agree that nothing in nursing is unique but it is unique in its own way. I understand why people don't appreciate that. First of all, we are helping people to be independent again, and in order to do that we need to teach the basics things that they already knew, that's why nothing is special in nursing, everyone can do it. What we do is not special at all, but what we do to make that happen is the amazing part and this is what i haven't mastered yet. Nurses suppose to be the people to join all other professions but yet being looked down by other health profession. That's bad. I don't like that. I would like to describe nurses as the parents of the patient, we understand them, we love them, we guide them when they need help, support them, and advocate for them. This is what i understand from the three years. But when i being ask what is nurses doing? i still can't tell. Cause it is vague. So if u guys out there happen to be reading this, i apologize, i am confuse myself why i even wanted to write this part. ignore them if it bothers you.

Yesterday, my batch NU108, went to visit our preceptor puan kasma. It was an interesting trip. We laughed, reminisced old times, pulling each others' leg. It was fun. I guess this is why we are different from other groups. We are always full of live. We are the group that love food ( extreme side ) even our preceptor prepared the snacks in big tupperware even though her children and maid say it is nicer if you prepare them in small porcelain or glass containers. She insisted that we will surely finish them in seconds and she need to refill them every second, no way she is doing that. and it is true that we finish in seconds and it is in a large tupperware, imagine that! we are monsters and that thanks to the traffic jam. We chit chat, talked about old times, even talk about next time are we going to visit her or not (as well as other preceptors) and when we graduate where to celebrate ( food is all we think of), and when we get married, all crazy things. It was good. We will definitely miss Puan Kasma and her way of chasing us in the wards.

After the trip, all cars went to their way, some went to reminisce some more in cafes, but out car decided to picnic in the park waiting for the lunar eclipse ( at that time, it was 4 hours before). For the four hours, we went slightly crazy or wild because of the clouds blocking the moon. We sang random songs, play games, create weird stories using the aeroplanes, stars, and clouds. Ending up lying on the ground capturing the "RED" moments, brain washing ourselves that we captured the red moon when it is not even red in our cameras, cursing them afterwards. It was a Fun experience after all. Weird but Memorable. =)

Okay after this post i shall rest and then continue my work. T.T back to reality.

Back from Semester break. Start of Sem 7

It is funny to start a new semester without any excitement feeling at all. I think largely because we know what is expected of us during this semester. To be more focus and able to read literature with lighting speed. Recalling back from the day we had meeting with dr kang, everyone was very tired and expressionless, it was quite amazing and funny. We are already tired of complaining and become more realistic. Is it a good thing or are we being too complacent already.

Semester 7 looks overwhelming. All is about leadership, management and teaching. One word can describe all, responsibility. not to say i hate it, just don't like it. will try to overcome it during this semester, hopefully i will learn to handle situations better like the one i am handling now which i feel helpless.

Being an adult is quite challenging. I don't know can i able to be a good adult. but time waits no man. Even though we don't wan to be, our age is still adding on. So Valerie, jus face the truth and starts kicking.

Butterflies in My stomach!!!

Okay usually the blog title meant good things and it is for describing relationships.

But for my case today was slightly different.

YUP! tomorrow is result taking day!

Couldn't personally take it though. and can't find a person to take it for me too.

Bad Sign?

Wanted to watch dramas, but couldn't sit on the chair for long. just blogwaking here and there.

Seems aimless.

BLog, will u wish me luck?

hmmm

It feels weird looking back at my own blog post.

I find lots of grammar mistakes and the way i express my feelings, just makes me feels not right.

I guess my english standard really not good and i think like a child. Not sure whether i still had the same problem with my current post. hopefully not.

I guess reducing number lines in the post will do the trick i suppose.

New Discipline. Will it work?

I decided to start a food diary.

hmmm.

trying to be discipline to control diet.

to lose weight.

yesterday: i will do it!

today: OMg fail. didn't reached target. too much cals. feel like blaming the mangos.

I won't give so much hope to it. but lets see how far it take me. have some faith la.

Miss My Old Buddies.

Currently in study break.

makes me daydream a lot and fb a lot (hehe not suppose to) cos during posting, these won't be in my schedule, too occupied with care plans (thinking of it makes me vomit)

After looking at videos that my old buddies post where they spent their time together in hk, i was like, "OMG, i MISS them!"

Miss hanging out with them, although most of the time, we will end up doing weird things.

i miss talking to them. especially updates from them.

I miss my mom too cos i see my dad more than mom now.

I miss my two other sisters too.

Oh my, getting older is a problem. very emotional. haha

So when i can get a boyfriend to be able to miss him too? i guess, it will take centuries.

Thoughts

Busy busy busy.

Now it is the time i had for myself for dreaming.

i guess building castle is always easy to do as long as u had the time.

But to make it real. that's the hard part even though u had the time.

Theres a lot of ideas that going thru my head that i wan to do to this and that to make it my hobby. to make some difference in my life instead of purely work, study, family.

I wan something for myself. Some accomplishments that please my mental.

I guess these days i felt myself very disorganized and end up feeling that my luck is not there at all.

I guess this is pre depression symptoms. wanted to let go of everything and jus purely do nothing.

Oh well.

My Life is so uneventful.

Life is short some more.

Clock is ticking.

When i got time, the mood is not there.

I guess i need someone to give me a lesson or two on time management.

The First post after NY

After looking at my fren's comment on OSCE, i would like to say something. When it comes to OSCE, no matter how many times u practice the steps. Nervousness really can disrupts the whole thinking sequence. Every one procedure JUST before the buzzer sound , i was like aiyah, i should have done this and that but i already told the examiner i finish can't repeat right? Next time, i won't bother about the time anymore, for sure. damn it. It is not only sad that i know where the mistakes are during the osce itself. but it hurts when it comes to lecturers thinks that we didn't practice. i know we are not competent at all, but we did make an effort. To all ignore me, for being so not professional here in fb. Hope u all understand that this is jus for preventing from getting unwanted depression (touchwood)

I am awaiting for a change.

Am i up to the challenge?

Am i able to survive the Change?

Considered myself a person that attracts "SCAM" lucks!

hmm.. at the end of the story u and i won't know if i really kena scam or not but personally thinks that it is 80% sure. Because i didn't give in in the end so i am not sure is it a scam or not. but according to them, they do appear on TV >> NTV7 and newspaper.

Oh well. i reached bukit Jalil station after a hectic work shift plus the squeezy KTM. I am very tired and rush out to the lane where i can see taxis and cars. and waiting for my sis to come fetch me. There this guy, coming towards me, offering some kind of bookmark like thing, when i haven't even got time to rest from the KTM chaos. He was telling me that it was free, take it.. My brain wasn't functioning at all due to fatigue, so my brain analyse it as a guy away a advert paper, since he still insist me taking it after a few rejections. I took it then and wanted to walk away. but he stopped me. He said to me, u got to open it. I was " what?! do i have to? i am SUPER tired to do anything." in my brain.. He helped me to open. tearing the dotted area and TADAH, the inside!

Okay what now? grey colour spot inside. He was asking me whether do i go to jusco or something, i was like " no, too busy these days."

After awhile he took out a card, and he try matching the colour. Okay i was looking too..

Okay grey is .... SPECIAL FREE GIFT. i was " okay so?"

He was shaking my hands saying " HEY, u WON a FREE GIFT! okay do u know that one gifts might be a car?" he was trying to show me phamplets to me and also pictures showing that people also got this. but i am so lucky to get this.. bla bla.. he said that i must go to the company now to get the gift if not it will expires. i was like " now?? and WHERE???"

He say must at that moment plus due to this is the first time i kena special prize so i can sure get the prize.

He offered to me to get a taxi and go there straight. I was like " My sister is fetching me now, can i go later or something?"

He was like " no must go now if not cannot get the gift." He grabbed another friend who seems to be the boss. He was like congratulating me.. If got the prize must belanja me KFC a.. i was like i haven't get the money yet dude.

So i called my sister up. Thanks god beside her she got guy friends. SO i ask her to ask her fren to come along.If i do not need to pay anything just to take picture for them to put in newspaper i don't mind and since got people following me there.

However due to my sis was slightly late. this guy were pursuing me to take taxi. He say faster mah. I ask the boss. "I can wait for my sis right?" he say can. i don't like him.

He showed the way to their company. then we went up lor. It was freaky. the lift was old. and when we reached there, got security buttons and WOW man, there are lots of men inside and all are smoking. Oh my god this place is giving me goosebumphs. then we were sent to a room, where we saw this woman sitting on a table. It is freaky too.

So she start explaining. First listing the gifts. 1 car but cukai got to be paid urself. then 2 electric appliances X RM 10000, then 3 is flights to bali, australia, japan. if i can't travel they can give me cash. hmm seems tempting. Okay i tot they will scan my ticket and i was looking forward to the gift i can get. But she start saying about GST tax. She said " u mac and kfc got govt tax right, even this also got tax because our company's income is based on this tax to run." So the amount of tax u need to pay is like RM 5600. I was like " need to pay one meh??" She say" its like this, for this tax right, u need to pay me only when u got this prize. however before i scan the ticket and see which are u getting, u need to prepare RM 5600 and write down all the serial number of the moeny and give me a list of them to me for evidence. After the serial no is given to me, i can then scan the ticket and know which give u getting and then if u get for example the smallest gift is also RM 14000. We will cut the from here u still get a balance of 8000 something so u have nothing to lose."

We argued for awhile as i don't have 5600 now. ATM pun tak ada. So how?

She kept thinking we had the wrong idea, kept explaining.

Finally she get what we meant, okay maybe u can give me half of the 5600's serial number first?

I and my sis don't think it is right, so tipu tipu sikit, saying that we are not interested but interested. and thinking that we should tipu and go down to the bank. When reached the bank then say don't wan the gift.

Okay did i kena scam or not? i pun tak tau!

Passion

hmmm

i always wanted to really understand this word.

I realised that this is the most important thing and it is lacking in me.

I sometimes think that maybe i only lack of passion in some things.

But as i get older i am not that passionate to any of the things around me.

I become very NOT ambitious.

No passion in everything i do.

that's why there no much improvement in my progress

Although i realise that , when did i lost it. and how can i get it back?

Friendship is a weird thing too.

There are many frens of mine are having internal fights.

Because of they care each other too much..

Which makes small things became the barrier to get back together, forgive each other.

It is not necessary to be like that.

I am happy for one pair of my frens as they finally resolved and get back together as BFF.

But another one is still in a fight.

I hope things will get well for them as well.

It is not worth it to lose a fren that both parties care for each other.

MISUNDERSTANDINGS and MISCOMMUNICATION only mah.

Jus talk it out people.

You'll regret if u lose this relationship.

Human is a MAZE itself.

Today my friend read the newspaper on the topic about " how people communicate? Do u know the real meaning behind them?"

This is the real world.

Everyone don't always speak what they really meant.

They always put it the way that is nice to hear.

Sometimes it is because don't want the person who hears it too hurt.

But most of the time is because they wan u to get the message and others can't hear it.

Every person is Selfish. I don;t deny that because it is the truth everyone is selfish and are protective of themselves in all ways.

And this friend one mine, says that she don't understand.

Of cos, she still in the innocent stage.

But i should say, it is nice to stay innocent although u might be confused and feel weird.

Trust me, it is better than u understand what they meant,

It really HURTS plus u'll never trust people that easily and u will see this world another way.

Lil update.

Such a long time didn't write blog...
it seems that i was very busy and no time to give it to here...
one assignment left...
Nice feeling that only one left.
Going to start it next week.

Haven't got to update the pictures that i wanted to upload the last last time..
i guess.. today oso no time to do so.

After 2 months in seremban, i ended up having sorethroat and flu..
So determine to have more rest this weekend.
So CIAO~

Updates!

First week staying at seremban.
Lots happen there.
First it is the house we stayed. SUPER nice to stay in compared to last time where we need to share the place with rats. ewww. so now it is haven't and stayin wif super nice Uncle.
Things had been busy in the ward.
Last day of the ward was my first time seeing a patient dying in front of me.
It was sad.
Especially when u saw the whole process.
It is called "AN LE" die i suppose.
It is a bit saddening when i told the doctor " could u look at the patient, she seems to not breathing"
I know she had cheynes stroke respiration ( which is breath for a while, stop, then breath again) but that one was a bit long. plus she vomited and with cold extremities, something is wrong.
and the doctor jus treat me like the family member, screen us. and told me, " okay this patient is DNR - do not resusitate. so we can't do much for this patient, we can't do CPR all that stuff. do u understand? if we resusitate her she will be suffering."
of cos i understand. but don't treat me like the patient's family le.
It made me sad. it made me feel " hello she is still alive and u told me this?"
So it was clear that she was DNR case. So i jus clean up my stuff and leave the patient.
After i finish cleaning, my fren told me that the patient had died. my fren even cried.
i on the other only feeling sad and feel like a tear in the heart.
We clean up the patient. unknowingly, i felt like there is a smile in her face. am i hallucinating?
yea, i am. at that point it made me recall back that she was still moving her hands so vigorously the other day. now. silent. everything is so silent. It is that calm for one to die? i am still in dilemma.
Okay i think this will be a full stop to this event.

since i come back from seremban for the weekend. i suppose i should update my blog on certain topics before seremban postings:
1) chap goh mei dinner
2) MAB and kidney center visiting
3) Poster presentation.

This is what my bloggie hamster does!!!

New Semester. SEM 4

Lookin at my timetable is a wow.So packed.

didn't knew first day is even WOWer.

We had our new Semester coordinator.

She give lectures in a very fast mode.

She talks very fast. can finish lots of slides in one period. which usually ppl can only finish in 2-3 periods. She still can maintain a non-monotonous tone.

Meet Peter Pook the first day, realise that our group had become dun like to comment nor complain when he ask for feedback of last sem.

There's none. Cause we knew no matter what we ask, will never happen.

When we post a question, he'll answer back, " I think we can work this out, so what suggestion do u guys had in mind?"

Isn't that answering our own question.

Another lecturer also gave us a bang in our head. She mentioned " no notes, until u give me something, this sem i'll try new strategy. If u don't give me something, i won't give u"

Wow, man , she wanted to try to make us do extra reading but wanted to delete the basic reading, isn't that a " too big" for a change?

Today i finally get up the courage to find our my MUET result. so it is wat i expected i gt band 3.

What the __? y don't let me get band 4. hai~ sad need to repeat. y only malaysian need to do MUEt. it is a secondary thing, y they can't acknowledge my cambrigde o level? Now u wan me to write GP essay is impossible because i totally knew only nursing in my head.

So stupid.

Okay back to Sem 4.

The modules are more this sem.

Harder sem with harder modules.

Look forward though.

Hopefully get over it smoothly.