What hurts the most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/rascal-flatts-lyrics/what-hurts-the-most-lyrics.html]
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

Mixed Feelings.

I haven't been blogging for a long time, yet i choose to blog during the busiest time of my schedule when i need to finish up an assignment of 3000 words in one day, n yet i choose to be here, ignoring the burden. Thanks to my itchy hand and my brain that is not functioning well these days.

These days a lot of things happen. Things changed from better to worse.

Human relationship is just too fragile.

Human Life is just too short.

Maybe i should choose a religion.

Where i can ask y and trust is my answer to everything.

Prejudice. an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge.

Shouldn't be having that but come on la, as human how to not have prejudice or so called " self made impression about others" I guess everyone is grew up differently, have different beliefs. but but but... just can't accept what had happened to our friends. have they change or did they is always been behaving that way, just that they hide it too well that we didn't realize and couldn't lend a hand when it supposed?

Great disappointment. Too many politics. Too many beliefs. Too many individualist, I just don't understand how can human be that complex. Family is really too important, it is the basic unit of the society. I guess they are jus unlucky to be in those family but i felt sad for them that they choose the wrong path to be unlucky again during their adulthood. Is it that they lost trust in the world that they think that way and do the things they think is right and actually is wrong?? Sometimes i felt useless. i just don't wan to get involved. i think i am selfish. I am avoiding to know the real truth and yet others are revealing them bit by bit. Nasty. really nasty.

Another scenario.

i and my friend witness and involved seeing and reviving a patient that collapse 6 times infront of us.

6 times.

and only three of us did CPR, suction, giving med. where the others?

checking femoral and carotid pulse only? delaying the time of saving the patient?

I felt "xin han".

Is it suppose to be that way?

If i knew that the patient only had 30% of survival rate the maximum got 30 days. i shouldn't save him?

Why is it everyone is depending on us?

we are already out of energy and yet no one take over us?

for those people who went to hell and come back again. I really felt that they are really really the most luckiest people on earth to be able to survive and live again. It is not easy.

Let's give all our blessings to my patient and patient's family so that they can stand strong although one of their family members already not there especially the wife.

Thoughts

Busy busy busy.

Now it is the time i had for myself for dreaming.

i guess building castle is always easy to do as long as u had the time.

But to make it real. that's the hard part even though u had the time.

Theres a lot of ideas that going thru my head that i wan to do to this and that to make it my hobby. to make some difference in my life instead of purely work, study, family.

I wan something for myself. Some accomplishments that please my mental.

I guess these days i felt myself very disorganized and end up feeling that my luck is not there at all.

I guess this is pre depression symptoms. wanted to let go of everything and jus purely do nothing.

Oh well.

My Life is so uneventful.

Life is short some more.

Clock is ticking.

When i got time, the mood is not there.

I guess i need someone to give me a lesson or two on time management.

A Conclusion for JAn and Feb 2011

New Semester - impression wise, tough sem, more work, less time as usual. Lecturers speed during class to finish everything they should be finishing. so they come and go very fast. Not many lecture notes, but need to do lots of reading (which i hate and no time to do so) and need to brush up writing skill. Practising OSCE (during every break -RUSH too), Malaysian studies- hmmm never knew a teacher with much passion and interesting just talking about history. It reminds me of my brunei history teacher ( she know a lot but monotone in teaching but still i had a liking for histroy dunno why)

BIrthday - wonderful. SLSTV's video. My Fren's Treat. Steamboat with sis. Grateful 22nd Birthday.

CNY- Four House visits this time. but less angpaos without cousin brothers' presence. This time my grandfather was being force to stay at KL for four days, that's improvement! This year's CNy made me realised that we are getting closer as relatives. and some secrets are being revealed ( creepy better nt to know). I got to learn a new game. called san guo sha. Basically AIM the emperor!

MOCK OSCE - erm. i guess need to brush up. and don't let us disappoint ourselves mind the teachers.

Class Test- Too rush cos it is right after CNY, which the period i don't do anything. i even forgot what they taught me before the hols. DAmn NOT GOOD. So i guess this class test, i can't expect much.

Seremban- a place i soon to be. Hopefully better experience than the last time!

The First post after NY

After looking at my fren's comment on OSCE, i would like to say something. When it comes to OSCE, no matter how many times u practice the steps. Nervousness really can disrupts the whole thinking sequence. Every one procedure JUST before the buzzer sound , i was like aiyah, i should have done this and that but i already told the examiner i finish can't repeat right? Next time, i won't bother about the time anymore, for sure. damn it. It is not only sad that i know where the mistakes are during the osce itself. but it hurts when it comes to lecturers thinks that we didn't practice. i know we are not competent at all, but we did make an effort. To all ignore me, for being so not professional here in fb. Hope u all understand that this is jus for preventing from getting unwanted depression (touchwood)